The day I decided...

Laying in bed, unable to find comfort as no position brings relief.  Sleep…  you take it as it comes.  You find yourself breaking down.  You’re worn out…  You’re in pain.

But you have to get up…  

You have a life to live.

I’m not gonna sugar coat it…  Chronic Pain is Hell and the rehabilitation process is no better.

Living with that pain day in and day out takes a toll on your physical and mental health.  There are days you will wake up and not want to move… hell, there will be days when you wish you were dead.  I am here to tell you no matter the difficulty, there is always hope.

*****

Several years ago I woke up on the floor of my apartment with the worst headache of my life.  I sat up and wiped the dried vomit from my cheek, a month’s worth of thrown-up pills were plastered to the hardwood beside me.  My stomach was in knots and my body ached.  I knew I was still alive because my back still hurt and my left leg was still atrophied. 

In the days leading up to that, I had lost hope…  my life was fucked and the pain had become too much. I was broke, friendless, and the world was closing in.  I was an athlete who had lost the ability to do the things I loved.  I was watching my body fail and falter.  In my darkest hour, I only saw one way out.

I survived.

As I stumbled around I thought of how many people like me were out there, who had lost hope, who were in pain.  In that time I did something that few people do in their lifetime…  I decided who I was and who I was going to be.    

This was do, or die.  I would reclaim my life at any cost or die trying.  I would be an example to others of what they could achieve if they push though their struggle with pain and injury.

At the time I wasn’t getting treatment for my injury; my doctors were quacks, the insurance system was broken, and my legal team was working against me.  I decided then, Instead of accepting things I could not change… that I would change the things I could not accept. 

Through hard work and perseverance within a matter of a few months I was getting the surgery I needed and put back on the road to health.  I was reclaiming my life.  It took 3 more years of therapy and pushing through the pain, but I had reclaimed my life.  I was stronger and fitter that I had ever been in my life.  I had educated myself on the human body and had become a certified trainer.  I still dealt with chronic pain, but had learned to focus on other more important things in life.  I began to work closely with the physical therapists that had helped me keep pushing for years and teaching others how to cope the same as me.

The key to living with pain is not trying to find pain relief, it is finding a reason to live…  a purpose in life.

I want you to take a moment and tell yourself “I am here for a reason.”  Tell yourself “I am the only one who can fulfill that purpose and I will not leave this life without doing so.  Nothing will stand in my way…  no pain, no adversaries, no obstacles will stop me.”

It is time to decide who you are.